Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Prophecy

The mainstream media now speaks of the Great Recovery of the US Economy. "America's Back!" claimed a popular magazine. This is news to the residents of Northeast Ohio. The Sixth City remains depressed, desolate, and desperate. Not since 1964 have we had a real celebration. For 36 years we have waited for the day that the Chosen One would bring peace to his kingdom. In the meantime, the city on the lake has experienced heartbreak over and over. The drive, the fumble, the squandered opportunities, and most importantly, the shot... A year has past since the King's previous campaign for a title and it seems poetic justice that our Cavaliers must face the Bulls in the first round. It was in his 7th year that Chicago's number 23 won his first title. Now we have a number 23 in his 7th year. 16 wins. That is the goal. Let us put aside the speculation of next year and focus on the present. If the prophecy is true, these concerns will be moot points. The City on the Lake will burn. The child born of the Cuyahoga River will bring peace to his kingdom and the curse will finally be lifted.



Thursday, April 1, 2010

Apple Inc. Buys AOT Family of Websites


We have received and accepted an offer from Apple Inc. to sell our family of websites:

for $15 billion.

Sorry, Google. Your offer was too cheap. This obviously means that we are going to pass the torch to Steve Jobs and buy a money bin to swim around in. Good luck, buddy. If you were a fan of us, too bad. You didn't buy enough T-shirts. This deal values each of our blogs at $3 billion. AOTV was the main sticking point in our past discussions with Google, but Apple was very impressed by AOTV 4 - United Banks of America. We would like to thank our fans for making us filthy rich, but now you guys can suck it... SIDEWAYS!